"Screech Tries Internet Dating" episode recap

Screech, remember that special Saved By The Bell episode from a couple years ago when you were getting really horny for some action? Remember how you decided that you were ready for your first heterosexual encounter of your life, after having experienced thousands of homosexual experiences, all of which were against your own free will? Remember how you signed up for match.com and emailed hundreds of women on that website? Remember how your primary profile picture was the one in Steinberg's avatar? Remember how nobody replied to your emails after they saw how ugly you looked? Remember how sad that made you feel? Remember when you rubbed one out to take your mind off things? Remember when you checked your email later that day and say an email from a woman who was using the login "chuckybutt_69"? Remember how that login made you laugh, as you assumed it must be a joke? Remember how the woman mentioned that you looked really sexy and that you must have gotten tons of action when you were in high school? Remember when you pitched a tent in your Zubaz pants because you were so excited? Remember how the woman wanted to meet you? Remember when she suggested that you meet her at a Burger King bathroom? Remember how that seemed like an odd place to meet, but you simply assumed that she was a total slut who just wanted you for your good looks and would probably play with your zoinker in the bathroom? Remember when you went over to the Burger King later that day and dressed in your favorite Zubaz sport coat and Converse hi tops? Remember when you walked into the bathroom and saw the back of what appeared to be a woman? Remember when she asked you to lock the door and you quickly did so? Remember how turned on you were? Remember how less turned on you were seconds later when the "woman" turned around and you realized it was actually Belding wearing a wig and women's clothing? Remember how you were so shocked that you couldn't move? Remember when Belding threw a haymaker at you, connecting his chubby fist with your boney cheek, sending you flying toward the door? Remember when Belding kicked you in the balls and then stomped on your chest until a couple ribs cracked? Remember when Belding took off his dress and revealed his massive cock? Remember when Belding grabbed you by the jew-fro and pulled your head back while violently inserting his horse cock in your zoink hole? Remember when Belding started thrusting in and out of your butthole with his cock, giving him much pleasure and you much pain? Remember when you looked over and saw that walls of the stall were rumbling loudly? Remember when you looked up and saw Mr. Tuttle sitting on top of one of the stall partitions? Remember how he was straddling the partition with his legs? Remember how he wasn't wearing any pants and was vigorously masturbating? Remember when the huge steel bolts securing the stall partition to the wall snapped due to Tuttle’s massive weight and the stall partition collapsed to the floor and Tuttle came crashing down face first onto the floor? Remember how he landed on his arm, snapping the humerus bone in his right arm? Remember how he kept masturbating anyway, despite his broken arm? Remember how Belding's attack continued for several minutes and then Belding and Tuttle snuck out and went home? Remember when a bum found you 30 minutes later and pissed on you? You sure learned about Internet dating in that episode!

"Saved By The Bell Hawaiian style" scene recap

Screech, remember that scene from Saved By The Bell: Hawaiian Style where you roomed with Kelly and Lisa at Kelly’s uncle’s hotel? Remember how AC Slater was going out with Jessie and those two love birds roomed together, and Zack was rooming with that girl that he met on the island? Remember how there was only one room left and you had to share it with Kelly and Lisa? Remember how excited you were when you discovered the rooming arrangements and you thought that you might be able to during on your charm and finally hook up with one of those girls? Remember when you got up to take a shower and sang that awful Bayside school song that you had written? Remember how you stuck your Suave brand shampoo bottle up your ass while taking your shower? Remember how good that felt? Remember when you finished your shower, got dressed, and then walked back over by the beds? Remember how you saw Lisa and Kelly dyking out on the bed? Remember how Lisa’s face was buried in Kelly’s crotch and she was eating out Kelly, who was moaning with pleasure? Remember when you said “Zoinks!” and dropped your towel and started jerking off with your small cock? Remember when you heard a slapping sound from the corner of the room and looked over and saw that Kelly’s grandfather was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room with his pants off and was tossing off? Remember when you looked behind the chair and saw that Chief Popakoo was standing up against the wall and was also masturbating vigorously? Remember when Kelly looked over and saw you watching her and said “get out of here, JEWISH FAGGOT PERVERT!!! Chief Popakoo and my grandpa paid me $20 apiece to watch my lesbo lovefest with Lisa, and you don’t get a free peepshow, you cocksucker!!!” Remember when the closet door swung open and Belding jumped out and smacked you in the face with some closet hangars? Remember when Belding kept whaling on your face and chest with the hangars? Remember when Chief Popakoo walked over and blew his load on your chest during Belding’s attack and then farted in your face? Remember how bad it smelled? Remember when the armour in the room started shaking and you looked over and the front doors broke off and a naked Mr. Tuttle rolled out onto the floor? Remember how his 54-inch waist pants were down around his ankles and he was masturbating vigorously? Remember how surprised you were to see Tuttle, because he didn’t even have an acting role in Saved By The Bell: Hawaiian Style? Remember when Belding and Kelly’s grandfather started spit-roasting you while Kelly and Lisa fingered themselves? Remember when Lisa, Kelly, Kelly’s grandfather, Belding, and Tuttle each had orgasms at the same time and then Chief Popakoo picked up and threw you out the third-story window into the dumpster down below? You sure had a shitty vacation that time!